Last year when I got back from Tanzania I wrote a list of the characteristics that I think every Christian man should exemplify. I was motivated to do this having worked with some tremendous men who displayed amazing character and vision and love for Jesus Christ. Furthermore, a girl I was working with commented that she respected the biblical man I described. I figured I would share these characteristics.
Another thing to note is that these come from the mind of a single guy. I've never dated a girl so I'm not basing these assertions on any BGR experience. You may compare them to the list of 13 characteristics (the first six and the final seven) of manhood that Albert Mohler wrote up, which he relates heavily to married life.
They're not grouped according to importance. Some of them are abstract (e.g., 35) but most of them are practical (e.g., 2). But they're not grouped this way either. I aimed to group them topically.
Please give me feedback. (Sorry the list is so long. I intended to post them over the span of three entries, but I've spent hours trying to do that, so I just gave up and did it this way. I hope that you still read it.)
The Lord's men are those who:
1. are steadfast in honesty and reliable in their follow through;
2. always wear the same face knowing that God is omnipresent;
When I say this I am speaking against people who get serious, humble and servant-like when they are in leadership but who are rowdy, immature and self-interested when not in that leadership role. People should follow their male leaders because of who they are, not the example that they display from "9 to 5."
3. learn from their mistakes;
4. admit their weaknesses and get help when they need it;
5. take good help when it is needed and offered;
I often struggle with a saviour-complex. Men need to be humble enough to give others who are blessed with talents—especially talents that these men do not have—the opportunity to serve where they have been blessed without fearing the possibility that the spotlight of leadership may dim as the leader takes less responsibility; men should take on leadership "not to please man, but to please God" (1 Thessalonians 2:4).
6. give others the chance to excel;
7. do not fear those smarter, more talented, more experienced, or more knowledgeable than them;
8. step up to encourage those around them;
9. make time for the people they're leading;
I'm writing this having returned from South East Africa project (hereafter referred to as SEA) interning (i.e., a leadership role). On top of that, for the Adventure Cycle (a one week component of SEA where teams went to different regions in Tanzania and show the evangelistic movie The Jesus Film) I led a team. From that I noticed that it's important to take care of the people who are being led by us which is very difficult if you are disconnected from them. On top of that, this important character trait of the Lord's men implies that men who are in leadership need to take time to connect with the people who are difficult to get to know whom they are leading. This needs to be done in order to serve the whole team. Ignoring the tough-to-get-to-know person has the highest probability of making him feel neglected (having been this type before in the past, I state with confidence neglected people always know that they are being neglected) which leads to bitterness. One bitter person can bring the whole team down. Illustration: One moldy slice of bread put in any loaf of bread quickly ruins the whole good loaf.
10. share their strength with others;
When someone is feeling dismayed by circumstances but the man is not discouraged at all, muster up a strategy to explain why there is hope, why it is better to not worrying about it, or even distract the discouraged person from his circumstances by talking about something that will bring the person's mind somewhere else.
11. are able to look long and hard for ways to relate to the most difficult men;
12. do not give up, but who are able to persevere, especially around the people they lead;
13. steadfastly never complain without taking action;
It's useless to complain and do nothing, in fact, it is destructive. Others might see the merits of the complaints and become discouraged. My personal opinion is to never complain in public, especially to people you are leading. People love watching leaders improve situations. So if a man complains about the situation, he had better be ready to set an example of working towards solutions instead of being those Israelites wandering the desert grumbling.
14. are courageous;
15. are patient;
16. are generous and sacrificial;
17. are fair;
18. are compassionate;
19. genuinely love their parents;
20. recognize that they need to lead women;
21. honour women in their personal thoughts;
This is referring to sexual purity with respect to the man's personal thoughts. Every woman was created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26) and men's sisters in Christ are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). Treat them as such.
22. never flirt with women;
This might raise controversy. I think that flirting is immature and completely inappropriate for men (women too, but I'll leave that issue for those more qualified to deal with). If a man is interested in a woman then he should initiate something with her—not keep her guessing. And if he's not interested in her then he shouldn't treat her in a special way. If you wouldn't do it to a guy, don't do it to a girl. An example of this deals with men's playing around with women's clothes. At the beach it might be tempting to steal a girl's shoes and tease her with it. A man wouldn't do this with a guy because the reaction isn't appealing; it only feels good coming from a girl. On top of that, it is easier to do it to a girl because by and large men are physically bigger and stronger than women, which makes it easier to do. Each of these reasons for acting in this way is unacceptable.
23. treasure deep friendships with brothers in Christ;
The Church is being weakened because men have not made enough deep connections with brothers who can sharpen them (Proverbs 27:17) but often sacrifice it for deep connections with women, which makes personal growth in manhood ambiguous (read: If a guy hangs out with girls all the time, they'll sharpen them in the ways of the Lord, but not into biblical manhood since they cannot experience that together as they are women, not men!). Men need men. And they should not be ashamed of these relationships.
24. greatly value the men in their lives who are their role models;
25. have hearts for the lost, broken, and abandoned;
"Jesus wept" (John 11:35). The ultimate man cried. Men should not be ashamed to have convictions that lead them to tears. It is not a weakness.
26. privately rebuke;
This important character trait has two implications: 1) That men should rebuke; and 2) that they should do it in private so as to not humiliate those who err.
27. never cut others down (especially not to make a point);
28. naturally cast vision, not only out of necessity, but out of deep conviction of heart;
29. lead others to prayer;
30. respect authority;
Men need to learn to submit themselves to rules, especially the ones that they do not understand or that they disagree with (provided these are not going against God's commands) in order to demonstrate how they want to be treated when they lead.
31. lead out in doing the tasks that none want to do;
32. oppose indecision and inaction at every challenged faced;
In most occasions decisions must be made and action must be taken. Fear of being wrong is not an excuse for doing the contrary. If others are not willing to do both, step up as one of the Lord's men, make a decision and act.
33. never demand anything based on their own merit;
Too often it's, "I need," which is fair; men have needs. But men may not (i.e., are not allowed to) demand it. Men deserve hell (Romans 6:23). It is rude and unloving to expect that a man should be given his every need because he exists. God gives and He takes away at His leisure (Job 1:21). To state this positively, in humility, ask for your daily bread.
34. know the Word of God;
35. glorify God with their lives;
36. attribute their every gift and success to their King.
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Friday, May 30, 2008
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